Guest post by Zesty

‘Arbolist’ Look up the word. I don’t know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it’s an arbotree-ist, somebody who knows about trees.’ George W. Bush as quoted in USA today; August 21, 2001

Well the reckoning has finally come. The cute little apple tree in our back yard can no longer be ignored. This is because it’s now a big fat honkin’ apple tree that appears to be devouring everything in its path.

I’ve read on the net that some apple trees can grow as high as 30, YES 30, feet. We appear to have a thirty footer on our hands. The last couple of years it’s been such a quaint little thing. But it would seem that my extra care last year, which involved some basic pruning and watering, reinvigorated the tree to such a degree that its now decided to pursue its growth pattern in all its glory. This is truly one for the ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ files.

I have no idea what the person who planted this was thinking.

It all seemed to happen so suddenly. One day it was a nice little tree. The next, I pull into my driveway to find apple tree branches over the backyard fence and just about touching the windshield of my car. Upon further examination, I discovered that the north side of the tree has branches right up against my neighbour’s house that are now just bending back on themselves as they grow.

Then there are the apples. They give off that lovely ‘applely’ smell. But then I think of September/October when they start to fall off. It’s such a pain clearing the fallen apples every day. If you don’t it’s wasp central, which is profoundly annoying. And this year the apples will be big enough to actually dent my car if they fall from a height. Not that ‘Little Thunder’ is a luxury vehicle, but hey, a dent on your hood is a dent on your hood.

So I?m thinking there’s nothing for the tree but to cut it down. I feel somewhat ambivalent about this. It?s not a shrub or small hedge or something. It?s a tree and losing it is going to make a huge impact on the yard. Then again, we?d have space, no messy clean ups every fall and we could build a gazebo or something. I’m really torn. I just love trees.

Then there?s the fact that my spouse doesn’t want to pay anyone to cut down our apple tree because he can do it. Of this I have no doubt. But I WANT IT DONE. And given the hours he works, when will this happen exactly? When is a good time to say, ‘Hey Pooky. I know you just spent 10 hours in the searing heat wiring an attic today, but do you think you could take chainsaw to the apple tree and haul it away now??

Yup. I’m definitely going to have to call an arbotreeist.