I know that I haven’t posted much about gardening lately. Frankly, I haven’t posted here in over a week now, period. I have started and stopped many times. I starting working on the follow up to the series on garden writing. And then I backtracked and started a second follow-up post that I have since abandoned. Last week I wrote a piece on the massive bounty of Jerusalem artichoke that I dug up from the garden, but it was so meandering, shoe-gazing, and long-winded that I had to permanently sequester it to my drafts folder to retain the little dignity that I still have.
Since then, I have considered writing out the Jerusalem artichoke pickle recipe that I canned earlier this week. I am rather proud of it. But how-to.. ugh… not in the mood. I have toyed with countless rundowns of the fermentation experiments I am currently enjoying and the interesting things I have encountered, but it all seems like too much. Too big.
Since my cat died, I haven’t had an inordinately difficult time finding joy. I have felt a lot of sadness, but good feelings and play have coexisted alongside. One of my happy places has been combing through PetFinder looking at rescue dogs and fantasizing about adopting one. Dogs, being very different from cats, are a soothing source of comfort now. Cats are a sad reminder of the girl we just lost. I pet one last week when I went into a pet store to pick up holiday food for my fish tank. The cat was long-haired and pretty like ours. It was sitting at the counter when I went to pay. Right up in my face and impossible to ignore. I forced myself to pet her but the feeling was uncomfortable.
I have posted several pictures of my day-to-day holiday doings and personal experiments on my Instagram and Flickr accounts. I continue to run at the mouth on Twitter. Not even grief will stop me from putting my foot in my mouth on an hourly basis! The first, hot-off-of-the-press, early, full-colour, printed and bound copy of my new book, Easy Growing: Organic Herbs and Edible Flowers from Small Spaces arrived in the mail. That was exciting to see, although I have since come up with at least one recipe that I REALLY wish could be added in. Alas, that always happens. PR work has begun and we did some more work on the trailer over the weekend.
And as for writing, well, I’ve managed to pull off work-related writing that needed doing. But when it comes to this site, everything that comes out of my fingers is meandering, unfocussed, and kind-of embarrassing, really — not unlike what you are reading right now!
So, I don’t know. It seems like I need to approach things in small chunks. Or perhaps just get this strange awkwardness out of the way before I can get back into the swing of things. Consider this the releasing of that awkwardness.
Let’s talk about you. What are you doing right now? What are you making, receiving, enjoying, growing, experimenting with, eating these days?
p.s. Happy Solstice! The days are going to get longer and hopefully brighter from here on out.
p.s.s. Threaded comments have been implemented to the site. It will make responding and conversing so much easier!
gayla, i am so sorry to hear about the pain you’re going through after the loss of your sweet kitty. i think i mentioned this to you before, but a few weeks ago, my cat had heart failure and we’ve been in and out of the ER/vet several times a week since. my heart aches to know that someday i’ll understand all too well how sad you’re feeling. i feel like i’m grieving our little guy already. it is often all i can think about. just wanted you to know you’re not alone. sending lots of love to you and hoping that soon you’ll feel joy again, perhaps with the companionship of a new pet someday. with love, susie.
oh, and to answer your question – we’re knee deep in lemons over here!
I’m sorry about your cat Susie. The constant stress and worry is awful. I hope things stabilize for you soon.
I buy a lot of meyer lemons at this time of year and laugh about how I am buying them at a premium price while southerners like you are swimming in too many!
I am looking forward to the end of this year! I have been baking and making, trying my hand at sewing sachets for the first time. My sewing machine and I have an awkward relationship.
I moved all my houseplants to the south window in the kitchen, and wish I had more to fill the double windows. Even without snow, winter is settling over Massachusetts and I am already itching to put my hands in the garden beds (and on your new book! Feb, right?).
Happy Solstice! May the light shine a little brighter, a little earlier, outside and in.
We had the snowfall that I complained about, but that melted and we haven’t had any snow settle since. I prefer this weather because I can still get out into the garden, although some of the plants that held on long are done now. The ground had frozen but then it rained and we had a thaw that allowed me to dig up the sunchokes. So it’s like garden season has slowed down, but not stopped entirely yet.
Since our gorgeous, kind dog died at the beginning of the month I’ve been pretty short-minded, too. We didn’t have her VERY long (less than a year) so it seems that I’ve gotten over the worst of it kind of fast (I assume that’s why), but there are a lot of little things that suddenly get me. Just today when I opened the hatch of the van to put some shopping in there, it struck me how little I open it now that she’s not hopping in and out to go everywhere with me any more. I have been feeling sluggish -I realized it’s partly because I’m not going for my evening walk with her anymore. This time of the year is hard on people (subsequently often hard on pets), I miss that extra bit of season-oblivious comfort she offered.
Anyhoo… I’m sewing Epic Gifts (well, I hope they come across that way) and trying to not get overwhelmed by my own stupid procrastination last month that has me in this pickle. The usual. Also daydreaming of more garden beds in the spring and CHICKENS!
I didn’t realize you lost a pup! I’m so sorry. FYI: We have “adopted” a spider that lives in our kitchen window. I think of you and your love of creepy crawlies when he comes out onto his web at night.
I am also thinking of CHICKENS! Still illegal here in Toronto. URG.
Gayla, no chickens but do you think you could pull off quail? I have heard good things about them for suburban/city areas. They take up less space, they don’t make any noise and I bet if you grew a vine over their coop, no one would even know!!! You just need three eggs to equal one chicken egg :-)
I’ve thought about quail for all of those reasons, but we live in an Italian neighbourhood where I can buy local farm quail eggs or quail meat very easily if I want. We actually buy the eggs regularly. I like them in salads. So it seems not really worth it. We can’t get local organic chicken eggs in the hood… I have to go elsewhere for them. And home-raised chickens are even healthier and better than from a local farm. Damn these laws!
Even if it’s a series of small awkwardnesses, I’m sure many of your readers will understand, and sympathize. Right now, I’m pouting about the poor weather, being one of the minority who enjoys snow, and saving up next year’s garden plotting for slow savoring in January. Looking forward to the fermentation sagas, and all your writing, when you’re ready!
We love you Gayla! Ok now that I got my own burst out of the way… I’m very proud of you that you are doing so well. It’s hard to lose a member of the family like that. It’s great that you are looking at dogs too, as nothing loves you like a dog. As a foster carer for the last two years and 8 dogs in Australia, I know this. Just be prepared for asking about digging. My garden wasn’t demolished per sae but there have been a few I have to keep an eye on especially right after I have given them a bone.
I have been super busy packing up and giving away all my garden stuff (can’t bring home stuff that has soil on it!) to my permaculture pals and biodynamic buddies. We are coming back to the States! YAY! I’m looking forward to getting back into our old house in Virginia, improving the garden with my new found knowledge, and working on the new house in Kentucky which, from what I can see, is virgin territory. Exciting times!
Please tell me that small dogs don’t dig! Ha! I’m prepared for some damage, but it will be a bit of a shock as Kitty was very well-behaved with the plants. Although she did have a lemongrass problem, and this year I put in a perennial grass that she decided was her grass to munch on. Meanwhile, I grew a patch of lemongrass so big that I didn’t care if she ate it… and she decided that she was not interested. Go figure.
Some big dogs don’t dig and some small dogs do dig (ahem Jack Russell) Get a dog that is out of puppyhood and ask about the already known behaviors. You’ll be fine! Oh and I would get a girl since they don’t usually lift a leg :-)
Good to know. We are definitely NOT getting a Jack Russell! I have allergies so can’t be a shedder. Kitty was long-haired so her hair didn’t bother me. Definitely not getting a puppy. We’d like a more mature dog. We’re thinking some kind of mix of poodle / mini schnauzer / small terrier.
I’d love to hear more about male versus female dogs. We had a female dog growing up, and most of my experiences have been with female cats so I tend to sway towards female with no practical reasons why.
Oooh schnauzers are such great dogs. Females are also usually less territorial too!
I don’t think I’ve commented before but I’ve been enjoying your blog and books for some time and I’m looking forward to the new book.
My sympathy on the loss of your cat. I lost my dear Tuck, in August – he was over 20 and I thought it would be a long time before I felt able to adopt a new cat (dog not possible until one of us retires), but I was dropping some of his unused food at the humane society and made the “mistake” of going in to look around – came home with one kitten and went back for a second a week later. They’re very different physically and in personality from Tuck, and they’re giving us a lot of joy. Still miss him, though.
Anyway, my garden is frozen, but indoors I’ve got 4 orchids with buds and one in bloom. Orchids are something I never thought I’d get into but they’re easier than I expected, and I can see why people go nuts for them. My first was a gift from my brother-in-law (who does have a minor obsession with them) and since then I’ve picked up a few more, including one sad specimen from the Ikea ‘as-is’ section which recovered nicely and is blooming again.
Happy solstice and best wishes for 2012.
I’m sorry about Tuck. I know we will want another cat eventually as we have both always had cats around. That’s why we want to make sure that we get a dog that will be okay with a cat. I don’t imagine that a new pet would be a replacement. Cats have such unique personalities and dispositions. Kitty was one-of-a-kind.
I’ve had to give up on orchids for the time being as this house is too dry during the winter. I lost a lot of my humidity-sensitive tropicals through the winter after me moved in. Good luck and have fun! Orchids were so cheap in Thailand and the selection so wild, it was painful not to be able to bring them home and I was starting to feel the pull towards growing them again.
Well, your house is not likely dryer than mine – I live in Alberta! However, the orchids are in the kitchen over the sink (corner sink with south and west windows above) and I guess there’s enough additional humidity from daily tea and cooking (plus occasional binges of canning) to keep them happy. The one at work has a pebble tray for a bit of extra moisture.
It feels like I imagine it would feel to be a gardener on the west coast. I’m fairly certain I still have a lone broccoli plant on the go out back, although it’s been several days since I checked on it.
I left my artichokes out back but covered them in a thick layer of leaves in hopes they might come back to life this spring. I’m calling it “an experiment.”
I did the same with my artichokes. I put them out over the winter as babies so the only issue is that in the ground is a colder spot. We’ll see. I could have had much more mature plants this year but I didn’t understand the yard in its first year and put them right where the neighbour’s fence and a bush ended up shading them out.
I’m sorry for your loss. I wish you the best and congrats on the book!
Dear Gayla: I am so sorry about your dear cat. We have lost four beloved felines over the years, one of them at Christmas. Not yet, but sometime, you will be able to remember your cat with joy and without sadness. It is possible to love again – we have two cats as proof of that. Take your time, do what you have to do and be kind to yourself.
So, sorry about your kitty. It is like loosing a family member. We’re not drowning in anything even rain which we usually have daily this time of year (Seattle, Wa). I’m always encouraged by your writing. I don’t know why, but something in your “voice” is very uplifting. I was so glad to see your post today as I just lost my job of 25 years and needed a boost. Thank you!
Sorry for your loss Gayla. Kitties are members of the family.
We are in the GTA and we are enjoying the warmer weather. Right now I’m thinking about what I’m going to try in our garden next year. It will be my second year trying to grow vegetables and I want to try some type of greens for salads. I opened up a jar of green tomato pickles I make at the end of August today. They are the first batch of pickles I’ve ever made and they were delish! Great sliced up on a burger. Take care!
I am so sorry for your loss. May the memories of your furbaby keep your heart warm, and your burden lite.
I looked at the rescue dog website, there are a few really cute doggies there!
This summer I found two abandoned 5 week old wild kittens on my land, I have kept them and they are doing great. I was not ready to take on more cat’s (have one grumpy old grandpa cat) but they came on my path (literary) and I guess it is just meant to be. Who knows maybe a new pet will be on your path ( maybe not literary) some time soon.
Here in the Belgian Ardennes we have had a lot of snow a few days ago, my kale and brussels sprouts are still standing strong.
I have been making chocolate truffles and white chocolate fudge to give away. I also made Christmas biscuits and warm wine.
If I can’t keep my little escape artists indoors I might have a kitten or two for you in a few months…
Gayla, I have enjoyed your writing and congratulate you on your book. What a pleasure to see your work in print at last! I sympathize with you on your loss of your cat friend. I am sorry for your sorrow. Thank you for sharing your loss with us. I did not find your post to be awkward although I understand that is how you felt. Many blessings on you and yours and I wish you more furry friends in your future and sweet memories of your dear cat.
Ciao Gayla-
I’m sorry I never got to meet Kitty. Maybe Mario has and they’re both in Kitty Heaven munching on God’s lemongrass.
I absolutely fell in love with little terriers after we had tenants with a Maltese/Yorki named Yoshi who would come upstairs for “play dates” with the cats and end up being chased around himself. Our neighbour just got a Shi Tzu/Yorki named Toby this year and while Toby is more skittish and barkie than Yoshi was, he’s a joy and a delight. He and Michael can’t stay away from each other if either of them is outside. Either of these mixes would make a great companion to any cat. We have a couple of pure Yorkies on the street as well and both love the cats.
I have to say I’m loving this Green Christmas. I recently received a head of Inchelium Red Garlic, a softneck type, in a swap and promptly planted it after our little thaw. I hemmed and hawed about whether to plant now or wait – for about a split second and then got out there with my trowel. I managed to finish up the fall “tidy”, something I don’t always manage to do and then feel this sense of uncompletion angst around January when it’s out of my hands.
Not only that, but the Flamingo Chard and the Dinosaur Kale AND the Rosemary are still going strong. It’s perplexing, but gives me such joy. I’m making pasta with the chard today, just a few days before Christmas. Not even frost on the ground this morning – I’m very happy.
By the way, I still have that Violetta Aromatico Basil if you want it – it’s got your name on it.
Merry Christmas, Gayla, from all 3 of us – Julianna, Duane, and Tristan (and give your Davin a hug from me)
Thanks lady, I will get in touch soon. This weather is great by me! Some plants just keep going and I haven’t had to bundle up in long johns and multiple pairs of socks!
Gayla, I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is very hard and I lost quite a few over the years and it never gets easier. One day I read that fantastic book entitled ‘When Your Pet Dies: How To Cope With Your Feelings’ and found it quite comforting because my grief was immense.
Adopting a dog is a great idea. You might want to rescue one from a shelter or the Humane Society. Many people will tell you that dogs adopted from shelters make the best pets and are somewhat grateful. I have 3 dogs, all rescued, all males. I, personally, prefer female dogs. It’s wise of you to think adopting an older dog. With your garden, I would get a female. An older male dog, even if he is neutered, will pee here and there on your plants. You can always train him not to but you wouldn’t have this problem with a female.
Have you heard of ‘cockapoo’ a mixed breed between a cocker spaniel and a poodle? Apparently they’re good for people who have allergies. I’m excited for you. You’ll see when you get the dog, you’ll have a smile on your face shopping for the leash, the bowls, the food, the toys. Getting a xbreed is good because they’re tough dogs, don’t have many health issues. With your lifestyle and your garden, I would not get a terrier. They’re great but they dig, they love to dig, hunt, are quite smart but can be stubborn.
All the best Gayla,
Marie-Louise
We’re definitely going to go the rescue route. We don’t want a puppy. Good point about the leg lifting. We can take the dog to the local dog park and do lots of walks, but we’d still want the pup to spend time with us in the yard, and it would be tough on a boy whose instinct is to pee on plants.
If we got a terrier it would be a mix. And temperament would be key. I’ve heard of cockapoos, but am concerned because of the cocker spaniel traits. Am I off base? Growing up, I knew some cocker spaniels and they were often very nervous and sometimes piddled on the floor around new people.
I’m okay with a smart and somewhat stubborn dog. Kitty was the most stubborn cat you’d ever meet. Also very smart. She was a cat with some dog traits, who also thought she was a human and demanded to be treated like one. We respected that in her. I can handle stubborn!
I hope you’re able to find a little bit of peace soon. December is a very difficult month for me to get through for the very same reason. I’m looking forward to getting into January and just getting caught up with things. I still have a freezer full of tomatoes to sauce and fruit to jam. Currently enjoying my first batch of kombucha and fixin’ to make some savory blue cheese and rosemary shortbread.
In the St Louis area/ Illinois side we are eating from the garden: kale, lettuce, mache, carrots, green onions, shallots, turnips, herbs: mint, thyme, oregano, rosemary, marjoram. Growing (experimenting) in the kitchen window- cilantro, spinach, parsley, heliotrope, leafing celery. In pots outside, south side & protected by the house: violas, potato onions, leafing cabbage, lettuce, spinach.
When my beloved kitty died I was overwhelmed with grief so I decided to walk the dogs at the local humane society. I ended up adopting the biggest P.I.T.A dog they had, which resulted in redirecting all of my focus on her rather than my grief. Subsequently the neighbor showed up with a found kitten a week later (starving/freezing to death of course). Not sure what I’m trying to say here. I still miss my cat. The dog is only a half-time pita now. I’ve grown wiser. Next time I know better than to go walk dogs. I wish you peace.
In Rome there is a splendid weather but it’s getting near to freezing cold during the night. Cabbages are growing in our urban crate garden initially donated by Fritz Haeg from Edible Estates project. You can read an article about us on Good Magazine:
http://www.good.is/post/this-homegrown-youth-movement-is-occupying-italy-legally/
I’d really love to hear your comments, please comment on our blog. thanks! http://ortoinsnia.noblogs.org/post/2011/12/23/ortofficina-su-good-magazine/
Gayla, I like reading your rambling musings. Makes me feel better about my own. Losing your Kitty is sad and discombobulating. And the urge for a dog. I can relate completely. Do I ever know the feeling of combing through PetFinder. After I lost my cat Joey, I started obsessively looking online at dogs for a couple of years. I had always been a cat person, never wished for a dog. Hoped to find a small one that didn’t dig. Ended up with a medium sized one who digs at the beach, but so far has left my garden alone. I would stay away from terriers of all sorts as they live to dig. I can also attest to the adorableness of a Schnauzer Poodle mix. I know one at the dog park who is a gem.
As far as chickens, I think there are quite a few in Toronto who keep them on the sly. The chicken underground.
Thanks Sarah. I too have always thought of myself as a cat person. With few exceptions, I have always lived with a cat. We had a dog when I was a teen, and I enjoyed walking her, but she was always considered to be my mother’s dog. I’ve been wanting one for a while, but Kitty was a solitary pet, she would never tolerate another animal and we realized it would be unfair to her to even try to bring another into the house. Dogs are so different than cats and I find it so much easier to think about our lives with a dog. It will be a long time before I feel ready for a cat again. Too painful. I think we’re in a good position to have a dog now with both our lifestyle and where we are situated. The time is right. We looked at some videos of terriers online and did some more research and realize it could be tricky unless the dog is a mix (which was always our goal) that had less terrier traits in him/her. I can handle the digging as we have squirrels that dig on the hour around here! But I want all of us to feel comfortable in the garden together and would not want to be putting a restriction on a dog’s natural instinct.
Gayla
First I want to let you know that I have been sending you metta…..Second…My family had chickens and we loved them!! Yes we lived in the city in Southern California….and there were times people thought we were crazy until they received FREE…… fresh free range eggs….There is nothing that beats fresh eggs. Your cakes or salad dressings ( what ever you cook that needs eggs) will take on a brighter yellow look. The chicken farm came to a end when our German pointer found them fun to chase……Now divorced and in a condo….I enjoy my two birds. They are now 4 years old….UGH !!!
Just wanted to comment on how useful I found your artice on lady bugs. It must be that time of year but my mum is in hospital so I decided to resurrect her garden and planted madly. I’m happy to say that everything is growing madly but a colony of ladybugs has decended on my zucchini plants. I was happy to read that they were the good guys of the garden but am wondering if there are no aphids what do they live on. Do they do any damage to the plants.
I’ve never found ladybugs to be damaging to plants in anyway. They go after other insects as well as aphids.
Because of the image at the top of the post, I really thought this post was going to be about you coming out of the closet as a professional female bowler.
That said: I’ve been enjoying the pics and tweets, and I’m a fan of rambling posts from time to time. Can’t offer much advice about a dog as the only ones I’ve had had been big dogs like German Shepherds which are my favorite.
I’m sorry about the loss of your cat. I haven’t “owned” a cat since my childhood cat died while I was away at college. Although, I’ve found worthy friendship with a few dogs and assorted aquatic life since then it has never really felt the same. Some days I think about trying a cat again and I hope one day you can look at them and feel it’s ok to pet or even own another one.
Many years ago I “acted” (I am not an actor nor do I aspire to be one.) in a music video that was set in a bowling alley. Davin was an extra. We had to bowl for something like 14 hours. It did not improve my bowling skill one iota. My bowling skills are about on par with my acting ability.
I was kind of bummed that comments were disabled on your last post, because when my cat died six months ago, I cried for weeks. I don’t know if it’s silly or not but it was one of, if not *the*, biggest loss I’ve ever felt. And it was so sudden. I do have another one who also seemed to be mourning and I was already set up for two so I adopted another from a shelter a couple months later. And it is not the same but I feel good for helping her and she is 8 and I think she actually knows what is going on and is grateful in her own feline way. She has wormed her way into my heart. :)
My thoughts are with you for you loss, Gayla. Losing a beloved pet is so painful. We’ve lost our 2 cats in the past year and a half. They were sisters, and the fact that they lived so long (one was 18, one was 19) has helped assuage my grief somewhat. We adopted 2 rescue cats a month after the 19 year old died, but they are not replacements in any way. Even as I grow to love the new cats more and more, I still feel grief for the old ones. I know that grief will continue to ease with time, and I know my lost pets will always be part of my heart. I hope your own journey through grief also reminds you of the love and joy you shared.
As for our garden, since we have the luxury of the mild California weather, my focus changes to winter clean-up and weeding. Our Japanese maple is holding on to its last few yellow leaves, and the Aloe arborescens is putting up orange spikes for its January bloom. Some of the orchids prefer the cool weather and burst into bloom. I have a few different colors of Epidendrums which never lose their flowers, even in the “depths” of our winter. Since I grew up near Philly and went to college in upstate NY, I know cold winters too, and I’m quite happy to be far away from them.
As for our garden, since we have the luxury of the mild india weather,my focus changes to winter.
Hurray for awkward releases! Hehe…
As for what I’m making, receiving, enjoying, growing, experimenting with, eating these days — quite a lot! I’m a teacher on holiday break and enjoying it to the fullest.
I started crocheting again so I could make my fiance a scarf for Christmas. I’ve been baking homemade sourdough and gingerbread cookies. And I’m collecting used and/or discarded materials for some exciting garden projects at my apartment complex this spring.
I also have a paper white on my window sill that I’m watching with much anticipation.
And, as for digging doggies, here’s the tip that was passed on to me: put his/her poop in the hole if he/she starts digging. I only had to do it once or twice for the rescued lab/pit mix my fiance and I adopted. She is now a garden friend rather than foe.
So sorry to hear about your cat. I am a dog person but I have been surprised twice now at the depth of my sadness when a pet has died. They do become very special members of our families and bring so much to our homes. Be easy on yourself. It is way to early to think about it, and you can never replace something that you have loved so, but maybe sometime you will visit a shelter and find a new beginning
oh, so boring….today will be a big rain and very windy. Can’t be outside. I’m ready to take Christmas down but no one else is so it stays up. Today I think I’m going to organize my knitting and sewing supply areas. I have nice things but i hate wading thru the chaos.
Sorry for your loss. My wife and I had to put down our girl malamute this fall and we’re still all messed up over it. All those things you describe in your blog are typical depression symptoms, part of the grief process at the loss of a loved one, and will diminish as your life and all the other lives in your care fills in that space and time. If you did the best you could for that cat then you have no regrets, only refined love for the next animal that you care for. Stay away from those utube malamute puppy vidieos, or you’ll be bringin’ one home, I swear!
I think of it as a normal part of grief that has to be allowed to run its course. I have watched an inordinate number of utube videos of schnauzers and poodles!
my cat The Meech died just over a month ago, next to my bed. i am sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry erica.
I’m so sorry to hear of your kitty. I lost one a few years ago, and was petless for over a year. The pain is deep. :(
Right now I think we’r win hibernation mode. I’ve been thinking of adding another bed to the back yard. The garlic is sleeping soundly, and I’m done canning. I figure a few months rest and planning for the garden and it will be spring before we know it.
So sad to hear about your kitty :-( I had one die of feline leukemia when I was pregnant with my daughter years back. It’s very hard.
As for me, I’m a new follower :-)
I’m sorry to hear that. Thanks for stopping by!
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think finding a rescue dog is a wonderful idea. I did this and he has been the greatest blessing and such a joy to have around. When they are rescued, they “know” you saved them.
I am a new follower.
I just signed out a copy of your book Grow Great Grub from the library today. It will be perfect reading on a very cold but sunny day. I’m getting all sorts of ideas and can’t wait to get playing in the dirt.
So sorry to hear about your cat. I watched a TV show of your and loved it. Will be looking for more and also your books.
I just found your website. I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty. I lost my lovely calico girl at age 19 over a year ago. We were together since she was a kitten and she was a part of me. Although I knew it was coming for some time and I am glad she had a long life, it was still incredibly painful. I think of her every day and miss her terribly, although the pain gradually eases. We have two kittens now – a brother and a sister. They are adorable and we are doting cat parents, but the bond I had with my girl was so special – I don’t know if I will ever have that again. I truly understand your pain.