A Conversation: Gardening versus Porn

vodkadude.jpg

I am standing in front of a community garden taking photos when a youngish dude (I am not good at guesstimating age) holding a guitar and a large, open bottle of vodka approaches me.

Him: What are you doing?

Me: I’m taking pictures of these beans and bean flowers.

Him: Why?

Me: Because I think they are beautiful and I am impressed by this garden.

Him: Why are you wearing a bike helmet.

Me: I was riding by on my bike and stopped to take a few photos.

Him: [Laughing] Are you afraid you’ll fall off?

Me: I’m afraid I’ll get hit by a car. I value my life.

Him: [Takes a swig of vodka] What are you doing after this?

Me: I’m working. I’m working right now. This is my work. I take pictures. I write about gardening.

Him: Do you like your work?

Me: Very much.

Him: So I don’t get it. Why do you do this?

Me: Because I love gardening and I love good food. And I want to share what I know. Because people need good food but they can’t always access it either because it’s just not available or they can’t afford it. And because gardening makes people feel good and it makes them feel good about themselves.

[Long pause.]

Him: So you don’t make porn with that camera?

Gayla Trail
Gayla is a writer, photographer, and former graphic designer with a background in the Fine Arts, cultural criticism, and ecology. She is the author, photographer, and designer of best-selling books on gardening, cooking, and preserving.

Subscribe to get weekly updates from Gayla

30 thoughts on “A Conversation: Gardening versus Porn

  1. Oh, my. I guess some of us think of different things when we look at beans or cameras. I’m still giggling. A story well-told.

  2. OMG! veggie porn? what a weirdo he was. i hope you dont come across these fools all that often while you are taking pictures.

    LOL, shoulda told him you like watching the beans swinging from their vines, kinda like swinging from the chandelier. *giggle*

    -Amy

  3. That is so awesome! You should have told him that you like to finger your pea tendrils though…that would get him fired up for sure. I love it when adults are completely freaken nuts. Speaking of which, better get my bottle of vodka, guitar and head out to the garden…

  4. i have to admit i did photograph a freakishly “endowed” radish a couple of years ago. it’s naughty bits are on myspace…

  5. Ha, Ha! (I laughed out loud). I think this beats all of the conversations I’ve had with my neighbors/passersby. Thanks for sharing this story!

  6. Back in the 90′s there was a guy who shot videos of vegetables that were strangely erotic. He called it Vegerotica. Every few years I try to google it, but I can never find it.

    On another note.. I did post a phallic cuke on my blog last week. At least I thought it did. Now that I’m looking back at it, I’m wondering if I don’t need to get out a little bit more often.

  7. Well…. To a true-blue gardener, there’s nothing more erotic that ripe, luscious vegetables, still glistening from their labour of ripening, and moist with the morning dew…

  8. Actually, you are making porn with your camera. Flowers are the sexual organs of plants. ‘Nuff said. lol ;)

  9. So many people have such narrowly-limited imaginations.

    I recall when I was still in grad school the first time, and was working at a department store over Christmas break. I got into a conversation with one of the gals I was working with about what we did besides ring up sales. I said I was going to college. She gave me an odd look and asked what I was doing there.

    “Studying botany,” I said.

    She gave me a look of pure bafflement. “What’s that?”

    “It’s the study of plants.”

    Now she wore a look of complete incredulity. “What do you want to do THAT for?” And walked away.

  10. Ha! … large, open bottle of vodka … it doesn’t matter what you may have been doing Gayla, you were in for an odd conversation anyway. I’d bet he doesn’t even play guitar. Hee.

    Seriously though, I’d rather have odd interactions with weird people than none at all. We’re all so isolated by technology today. I had an odd conversation with a lady in a Goodwill thrift store a few years ago. She obviously was sticking to a script, and it went on for more than a few minutes…

    Odd Lady: Hey!
    Greg: Hey.
    Odd Lady: You like hockey?
    Greg: Not really.
    Odd Lady: You want to score?
    Greg: No. No thanks.
    Odd lady: You want to come back to my place to watch the game?
    Greg: No thanks. I have to get back to work.
    Odd Lady: I’ve got a lot of hockey on video.
    Greg: You must like hockey. But no thanks.
    (Greg walks away slowly, pretending to see something across the store.)

    I love weird people because they make the rest of us look somewhat normal. -GAE

    Greg

  11. A-mazing. (Happy) drunk dudes can be so entertaining…I would have loved to see his train of thought. ;o)

  12. For some reason, my husband didn’t laugh at this nearly as hard as I did. In fact, he stared at me blankly and said, “okay.” Oh, it cracked me up! What a random thing to say to a stranger. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t, but asking you outright certainly isn’t the way to woo a girl. That’s something you talk about a little later in the relationship.

  13. You should of told him yeah okay and what vegetable would you like to be your co-star.ha-ha

    Delia Welch

  14. This question isn’t quite as odd as you might think. I work from home doing motion graphics and video editing. My husband is the IT guy at a local law firm and when people ask what his wife does, he says “she does video work from home.” And the next question is always- “like porn and stuff?”

    Why do people automatically assume you make porn if you own a video camera?

  15. Ha! That is so Parkdale! (I can say this as a long-time downtown dweller.)

    And you were do wonderfully polite. How very Canadian of you.

  16. I just wonder why he was in a garden during the afternoon with a guitar & a bottle of vodka. No longer do I envy your job. I want his!!

  17. Melissa asked “Why do people automatically assume you make porn if you own a video camera?”

    …refer to Kapor’s Law, which suggests that we can’t help it…

    Kapor’s law was first stated at the January ’92 Usenix Conference, most likely referring to p*rn on the internet –

    “The first use for any new communications technology is sex.”

    Greg

    P.S. My Phone’s on Vibrate for You – Rufus Wainright, etc.

  18. …and you weren’t even hugging a tree?

    (A Long While Back, there was a film footage of Marylin Monroe dancing/circling a tree that raised objection, but the censoring body in question chose to back off on this front rather than lose all that censoring power.)

  19. My boyfriend refers to my gardening books/mags with the glossy pictures of vegetables or flowers as “garden porn.” I do look at the pictures with wanting so it’s not far off. It’s just a different kind of wanting… That’s an important clarification.

Comments are closed.